2022.3/30 Graduation trip of all graduation trips

     Graduation trip in my 28, I drink like I am still in graduate school. On Monday morning, when I was waked up by the owner of ryokan, for one moment I didn't even know where or who I am. I went down the floor with all other hangover heads to have breakfast. Like I've never worked for two years, like I never submit my thesis, like Covid never happened.

     My last graduation trip might end this two years of borrowed student days, but what I learned is that we should never define your life by your age or your situation. I always thought growing up is an end. Before I grew up, I supposed to finish my underground castle in Minecraft. or even got commercial pilot license. But now I realize, growing up is never an end. Nothing except death should be the end.

     People change, again and again. Some became a better person and some didn't. Most of people became more like the society they're living in. We play a reluctant masquerade to get more resources, and the costume will get more and more difficult to take off. One day, some of us might even forget that we were once an audience before. 

     There is no great meaning, or any destiny about growing up, only some fading dreams in the blurring memories and daily life.

2022.3/30 終於畢業的畢業旅行

　　二十八歲的畢業旅行，和研究所時期時幾乎一樣的喝酒，星期一早上在群馬的旅館被老闆娘叫醒來時，真的有種『我是誰我在哪』的感覺。和大家一起帶著宿醉的腦袋走向食堂吃早餐，好像我不是工作了兩年多的上班族，好像我論文不曾交出一樣，好像肺炎沒有發生過。

　　星期二在大雪紛飛的早上起來打開電腦開始上班，果然沒辦法按照計畫在Check-out前完成所有工作，於是留到車上後座繼續處理。下午在關越道的赤城高原SA完成後，從上里SA換我開車。一瞬間從疫情遠端工作的社會人變成畢業旅行的學生。我喜歡嗎？我簡直愛死了。

　　星期三的下午跟公司請假去入國管理局拿新的在留卡，終於拿到了當初希望的高度人材簽證。在沒有一件事情是對的二Ｏ二二年，終於有一件事是對的。

　　最後的畢業旅行，結束了我借來的兩年偽學生生活。如果我真的學到了什麼，那就是不要被自己的年紀與狀態去定義你的生活。我原本以為長大是一種終點的概念。在那之前，我應該已經找到了《虛擬人生》把模特兒升等的方法，我應該蓋完《Minecraft》我家底下的地下城，我應該整理完了我歷年來所拍的所有照片，我應該拿到了民航機執照。但我後來發現，長大不應該是終點，沒有東西應該要是終點，除了死亡。

　　人們不斷改變，有人變得更好有人變得更糟，大部分人變得更像他們所處的社會。我們為了取得資源演戲，演到後來我們越來越難將戲服給脫掉，最後有些人甚至忘記自己曾經在台下。這才是成長。沒有什麼偉大的意義，沒有什麼必然。只有在越來越模糊的回憶與日常中消逝的夢。