2020.1/26 畢業

大家多少都有那種感覺吧，小時候過得度日如年，國高中過得稍微快了一點，上大學以後時間開始變得飛快，大學畢業後的一年如同小時候的兩個月，明明梅雨季節好像是昨天的事情，瞬間天氣就開始轉涼了。季節運轉的速度開始讓自己措手不及。隨著年紀增長，時間會越過越快。以前我以為那是身體老化的一種必然，直到我來到東京。

在東京讀碩士的這兩年，時間感就如同國高中的兩年。具體我也不清楚是怎樣，但我覺得大概是每天都在面對全新的事物的關係。日本真的是一個很不一樣的地方，在這裡，外面世界的Meme 是不通的，海綿寶寶在這裡不是大家的共同回憶，甚至任何一部日本動畫的劇情都不會是大家的常識。聊天頻率、文化、社會、規則完全不同。如果我要向外星人介紹地球，我的開場會是：「地球有不少國家，但大概可以分為日本，和不是日本的國家。」

總而言之，我每天都會遇到昨天所不知道的事情。每天都在重新挑戰自己心目中的常識，我心裡的那個小世界每天毀滅一點、又每天重生一點。我細心保護自己覺得可貴的無聊堅持，但同時又不斷地更新自己，讓自己超越昨天的自己。我不想輸給這個世界，但更不想否定當年那個十四歲的自己。

總之，日本是個迷人又危險的地方，一個表裡不一的地方。那些因為喜歡日本而來日本的人，大概 95%都失望了。因為日本不是大家看起來那樣。

至於我呢？我曾經很喜歡日本，不過上了國中之後，我變得喜歡美國，變得喜歡西方的文化和流行。來日本對我來說是給小學的自己的一個交代，是完成那張斑駁泛黃的待辦事項。但也是因為這樣我對日本沒什麼特別的憧憬。日劇中的生活也好，在日本旅行的種種也好，很少讓我覺得特別嚮往的。但就是因為這樣我對日本沒有抱著什麼憧憬，反過來發掘了很多日本的魅力。

以前曾經懷疑過，但現在我很確定，我想住在日本。正因為更了解這個世界，更確定日本在世界上的獨特魅力。

再來談談社團吧。以研究生的身分加入全部是大學生的社團，大概是我這輩子最有趣的經驗了。就像搭時光機一樣回到大一一樣。再一次和大一的大家一起活動，再一次和其他大學生無所事事地走在學校附近，假裝時間永遠用不完一般地討論待會要做什麼；再一次聽大一生的各種煩惱；再一次看著剛離開高中的大家成長成大人的過程；再一次回到大家還在尋找知心朋友的年紀。

在家裡我用中文；在學校的我用英文報告，同學們是來自世界各國的各種年紀各種職業的人；在社團的我是一年級和二年級生，用日文和比我小五六歲的人一起行動。

雖然不知道為什麼，但我真的很喜歡這樣的生活。

Time passes faster and faster as you age. Everybody seems to have this experience right? When you was a kid, every day in school is like a year. After you entered high school it was getting a little bit faster. After your first year of college, time flied like a crazy bus. Before you realize plum rain season was over, the weather is getting cold. I always thought this is inevitable, until I came to Tokyo.

During my two years in graduate school, my sense of time’s passage is exactly as same as in high school time. Maybe the reason is that I deal with whole new things almost every day. Japan is a very different country. In Japan, nobody knows memes from outside world. I had explained what memes are to some of my closet Japanese friends for like 5 times. Millennials in Japan didn’t even grow up watching Spongebob.

Every country is different, but Japan is totally different. Way of communication, culture, society, rules here are completely different. If I am going to introduce the earth to aliens, I will divide the earth into Japan, and other countries.

Anywhere, for me I encounter something I don’t know almost everyday. Everyday is another challenge to my common senses. Everyday the little world in my heart is destroyed a little bit, and reborn a little bit. Carefully I protect some useless but meaningful part of me. In the same time I try to adjust myself to the world. I don’t want to lose to this world, but I don’t want to deny that 14 year old me either.

Japan is a lovely and dangerous place, a country which its reality is 100% different from people’s image. Unlike most of foreigners here, I have never disappointed about the life in Japan, because I didn’t expect anything.

I had doubted it before but now I am very sure. I am very sure that I want to live in Japan.

About my school club, joining school club as graduate student is probably the most interesting experience in my life. It’s like you time travel back and become 18 again. One more time you live your life like a fresh year student. One more time you hang around school with other 18 19 years old guys, pretending you still have lots of time to waste. One more time you listen to someone talking about some teenage problems. One more time you watch high school teenagers growing up. One more time you are going back to the time, when friend is friend forever.

In my house I speak Mandarin. In class I speak English with people from all over the world. In the school club I speak Japanese with people who are 5 or 6 years younger than me.

For some reasons, I really love this life.